Confession

I have a confession to make.  I haven't been keeping up with my lamrim meditations.  After my 10 day retreat, I got busy with other activities and work, and although I did other meditations, I did not keep up with these specific lamrim meditations.



Today, after about three weeks since my last lamrim meditation, I went back to start them again (as my teacher advised me to).    I started where I had left off, which was the subject of action and its consequences (karma).

Incredible.  The meditation was amazing.   I felt my prana move into my central channel and then bliss. Pure bliss. Joy. Complete relaxation.  A letting go.  Not a trace of worries or anxiety.  Just simple pure elation, presence, gratitude.

I am left wondering why.  What is it about these meditations that does this to me?  Honestly, I was meditating every day in the time lapse between today and my last lamrim meditation.  The meditations I was doing were beautiful, guided meditations and they made me feel great.  But, they didn't give me this bliss. They didn't give me this prana shooting through my central channel, leaving me feeling such utter joy.

Perhaps there is something to the silence.  Learning a technique and then guiding oneself through the meditation.  Remember the lamrim meditations have three parts - after the preliminaries - review, analysis and then placement.  You review the topic to be meditated upon that day.  Today it was karma.  How all our negative, hurtful actions lead to all the unhappiness in our lives.  And, all our kindness results in the good things we are experiencing now.  The next step is the analyze this point - is this true? look at your life, do these theories about karma ring true for you and for the people around you?  After debating the point from all angles, you then place your mind on the subject.  And, then, prana just starts to move.  You feel the winds. You feel your subtle body.  You feel the reality that lies behind what is visible and physical.

And, I am inspired to make lamrim part of my every day again.  May I practice well - at the same time daily - so I can experience realizations and then teach others.  May we all break free from our afflicted minds.  May we experience bliss.  May we learn to make it a permanent feeling.  May we lead ourselves and others out of the cycle of samsara.  

Love,
Reema